A bridal shower is a fun way for a woman’s friends and family to celebrate her, prior to the wedding. As they “shower” her with gifts, they prepare her to start her own household. Historically, bridal showers started when women wanted to marry “unsuitable husbands” and thus their families refused to provide a dowry. Friends of the couple gathered to pitch in and make up for the lack of a dowry by helping them set up house. Today, they are a time to share stories, eat great food, and pay special attention to the bride. Typically, the maid of honor hosts the bridal shower, unless she is a member of the bride’s immediate family. (Many etiquette guides frown on a family member hosting, because it looks like she’s trying to get gifts for the bride. Often the mother of the bride and/or the bride’s sister will still be involved, just not technically be the host. Others realize that in this modern world, a relative is sometimes the only appropriate host.)
The shower should take place anywhere from 6 months before to the week of the wedding. If many guests are traveling from out of town, it may make sense to have it close to the wedding, so they can attend. Otherwise, it can be nice to have it four months or more before the wedding, so that it will add to anticipation, without adding to a bride’s last minute stress. (Some etiquette guides say to wait until after the wedding invitations have gone out, but I think it’s fine to do it earlier, as long as all shower invitees will definitely be invited to the wedding itself.) As for time of day, the traditional time is Sunday afternoon, but really any time day or night is fine.
It’s up to you, and your bridal party! While it’s often a very fun afternoon, some bride’s feel uncomfortable with the attention. Others may not want to ask their friends for more gifts. Make sure the bride wants a shower before starting to plan one.
Start off by asking the bride for a guest list! (If it’s a surprise, talk to her mother, or her fiancé). You’ll want to make sure that you’re not inviting anyone who won’t be invited to the wedding, and the only way to know that is to ask directly. Remember to invite close female relatives of both the bride and groom, as well as all the women in the wedding party and the bride’s close friends. While bridal showers are traditionally all women, today, many are co-ed affairs celebrating both the bride and groom.
You’ll find that most of the party will be spent eating, laughing, telling stories and opening presents. Food can be as simple as picnic staples and crudite to an elaborate spread with a theme related to the couple. As the bride open presents, have some nice music playing in the background. Make thank-you note writing easier by picking someone to write down the gifts and their giver. If you’re having the party at home, you may want to have some bridal shower games to keep the party moving.
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